The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time Read online

  And all I could see would be stars. And stars are the places where the molecules that life is made of were constructed billions of years ago. For example, all the iron in your blood which stops you from being anemic was made in a star.

  And I would like it if I could take Toby with me into space, and that might be allowed because they sometimes do take animals into space for experiments, so if I could think of a good experiment you could do with a rat that didn't hurt the rat, I could make them let me take Toby.

  But if they didn't let me I would still go because it would be a Dream Come True.

  89. The next day at school I told Siobhan that Father had told me I couldn't do any more detecting, which meant that the book was finished. I showed her the pages I had written so far, with the diagram of the universe and the map of the street and the prime numbers. And she said that it didn't matter. She said the book was really good as it was and that I should be very proud of having written a book at all, even if it was quite short and there were some very good books which were very short like Heart of Darkness, which was by Conrad.

  But I said that it wasn't a proper book because it didn't have a proper ending because I never found out who killed Wellington so the murderer was still At Large.

  And she said that was like life, and not all murders were solved and not all murderers were caught. Like Jack the Ripper.

  I said I didn't like the idea that the murderer was still At Large. I said I didn't like to think that the person who killed Wellington could be living somewhere nearby and I might meet him when I went out for a walk at night. And this was possible because a murder was usually committed by a person who was known to the victim.

  Then I said, “Father said I was never to mention Mr. Shears's name in our house again and that he was an evil man and maybe that meant he was the person who killed Wellington.”

  And she said, “Perhaps your father just doesn't like Mr. Shears very much.”

  And I asked, “Why?”

  And she said, “I don't know, Christopher. I don't know because I don't know anything about Mr. Shears.”

  I said, “Mr. Shears used to be married to Mrs. Shears and he left her, like in a divorce. But I don't know if they were actually divorced.”

  And Siobhan said, “Well, Mrs. Shears is a friend of yours, isn't she. A friend of you and your father. So perhaps your father doesn't like Mr. Shears because he left Mrs. Shears. Because he did something bad to someone who is a friend.”

  And I said, “But Father says Mrs. Shears isn't a friend of ours anymore.”

  And Siobhan said, “I'm sorry, Christopher. I wish I could answer all these questions, but I simply don't know.”

  Then the bell went for the end of school.

  The next day I saw 4 yellow cars in a row on the way to school, which made it a Black Day, so I didn't eat anything at lunch and I sat in the corner of the room all day and read my A-level maths course book. And the next day, too, I saw 4 yellow cars in a row on the way to school, which made it another Black Day too, so I didn't speak to anyone and for the whole afternoon I sat in the corner of the Library groaning with my head pressed into the join between the two walls and this made me feel calm and safe. But on the third day I kept my eyes closed all the way to school until we got off the bus because after I have had 2 Black Days in a row I'm allowed to do that.

  97. But it wasn't the end of the book because five days later I saw 5 red cars in a row, which made it a Super Good Day, and I knew that something special was going to happen. Nothing special happened at school so I knew something special was going to happen after school. And when I got home I went down to the shop at the end of our road to buy some licorice laces and a Milky Bar with my pocket money.

  And when I had bought my licorice laces and a Milky Bar I turned round and saw Mrs. Alexander, the old lady from number 39, who was in the shop as well. She wasn't wearing jeans now. She was wearing a dress like a normal old lady. And she smelled of cooking.

  She said, “What happened to you the other day?”

  I asked, “Which day?”

  And she said, “I came out again and you'd gone. I had to eat all the biscuits myself.”

  I said, “I went away.”

  And she said, “I gathered that.”

  I said, “I thought you might ring the police.”

  And she said, “Why on earth would I do that?”

  And I said, “Because I was poking my nose into other people's business and Father said I shouldn't investigate who killed Wellington. And a policeman gave me a caution and if I get into trouble again it will be a lot worse because of the caution.”

  Then the Indian lady behind the counter said to Mrs. Alexander, “Can I help you?” and Mrs. Alexander said she'd like a pint of milk and a packet of Jaffa cakes and I went out of the shop.

  When I was outside the shop I saw that Mrs. Alexander's dachshund was sitting on the pavement. It was wearing a little coat made out of tartan material, which is Scottish and check. She had tied its lead to the drainpipe next to the door. I like dogs, so I bent down and I said hello to her dog and it licked my hand. Its tongue was rough and wet and it liked the smell on my trousers and started sniffing them.

  Then Mrs. Alexander came outside and said, “His name is Ivor.”

  I didn't say anything.

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “You're very shy, aren't you, Christopher.”

  And I said, “I'm not allowed to talk to you.”

  And she said, “Don't worry. I'm not going to tell the police and I'm not going to tell your father, because there's nothing wrong with having a chat. Having a chat is just being friendly, isn't it.”

  I said, “I can't do chatting.”

  Then she said, “Do you like computers?”

  And I said, “Yes. I like computers. I have a computer at home in my bedroom.”

  And she said, “I know. I can see you sitting at your computer in your bedroom sometimes when I look across the street.”

  Then she untied Ivor's lead from the drainpipe.

  I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to get into trouble.

  Then I thought that this was a Super Good Day and something special hadn't happened yet, so it was possible that talking to Mrs. Alexander was the special thing that was going to happen. And I thought that she might tell me something about Wellington or about Mr. Shears without me asking her, so that wouldn't be breaking my promise.

  So I said, “And I like maths and looking after Toby. And also I like outer space and I like being on my own.”

  And she said, “I bet you're very good at maths, aren't you.”

  And I said, “I am. I'm going to do my A-level maths next month. And I'm going to get an A grade.”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Really? A-level maths?”

  I replied, “Yes. I don't tell lies.”

  And she said, “I apologize. I didn't mean to suggest that you were lying. I just wondered if I heard you correctly. I'm a little deaf sometimes.”

  And I said, “I remember. You told me.” And then I said, “I'm the first person to do an A level from my school because it's a special school.”

  And she said, “Well, I am very impressed. And I hope you do get an A.”

  And I said, “I will.”

  Then she said, “And the other thing I know about you is that your favorite color is not yellow.”

  And I said, “No. And it's not brown either. My favorite color is red. And metal color.”

  Then Ivor did a poo and Mrs. Alexander picked it up with her hand inside a little plastic bag and then she turned the plastic bag inside out and tied a knot in the top so that the poo was all sealed up and she didn't touch the poo with her hands.

  And then I did some reasoning. I reasoned that Father had only made me do a promise about five things, which were

  1. Not to mention Mr. Shears's name in our house

  2. Not to go asking Mrs. Shears about who killed that bloody dog

  3. Not to go ask
ing anyone about who killed that bloody dog

  4. Not to go trespassing in other people's gardens

  5. To stop this ridiculous bloody detective game

  And asking about Mr. Shears wasn't any of these things. And if you are a detective you have to Take Risks, and this was a Super Good Day, which meant it was a good day for Taking Risks, so I said, “Do you know Mr. Shears?” which was like chatting.

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Not really, no. I mean, I knew him well enough to say hello and talk to a little in the street, but I didn't know much about him. I think he worked in a bank. The National Westminster. In town.”

  And I said, “Father says that he is an evil man. Do you know why he said that? Is Mr. Shears an evil man?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Why are you asking me about Mr. Shears, Christopher?”

  I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be investigating Wellington's murder and that was the reason I was asking about Mr. Shears.

  But Mrs. Alexander said, “Is this about Wellington?”

  And I nodded because that didn't count as being a detective.

  Mrs. Alexander didn't say anything. She walked to the little red box on a pole next to the gate to the park and she put Ivor's poo into the box, which was a brown thing inside a red thing, which made my head feel funny so I didn't look. Then she walked back to me.

  She sucked in a big breath and said, “Perhaps it would be best not to talk about these things, Christopher.”

  And I asked, “Why not?”

  And she said, “Because.” Then she stopped and decided to start saying a different sentence. “Because maybe your father is right and you shouldn't go around asking questions about this.”

  And I asked, “Why?”

  And she said, “Because obviously he is going to find it quite upsetting.”

  And I said, “Why is he going to find it upsetting?”

  Then she sucked in another big breath and said, “Because . . . because I think you know why your father doesn't like Mr. Shears very much.”

  Then I asked, “Did Mr. Shears kill Mother?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Kill her?”

  And I said, “Yes. Did he kill Mother?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “No. No. Of course he didn't kill your mother.”

  And I said, “But did he give her stress so that she died of a heart attack?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Christopher.”

  And I said, “Or did he hurt her so that she had to go into hospital?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Did she have to go into hospital?”

  And I said, “Yes. And it wasn't very serious at first, but she had a heart attack when she was in hospital.”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Oh my goodness.”

  I said, “And she died.”

  And Mrs. Alexander said “Oh my goodness” again, and then she said, “Oh, Christopher, I am so, so sorry. I never realized.”

  Then I asked her, “Why did you say ‘I think you know why your father doesn't like Mr. Shears very much'?”

  Mrs. Alexander put her hand over her mouth and said, “Oh dear, dear, dear.” But she didn't answer my question.

  So I asked her the same question again, because in a murder mystery novel when someone doesn't want to answer a question it is because they are trying to keep a secret or trying to stop someone from getting into trouble, which means that the answers to those questions are the most important answers of all, and that is why the detective has to put that person under pressure.

  But Mrs. Alexander still didn't answer. Instead she asked me a question. She said, “So you don't know?”

  And I said, “Don't know what?”

  She replied, “Christopher, look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this.” Then she said, “Perhaps we should take a little walk in the park together. This is not the place to be talking about this kind of thing.”

  I was nervous. I did not know Mrs. Alexander. I knew that she was an old lady and that she liked dogs. But she was a stranger. And I never go into the park on my own because it is dangerous and people inject drugs behind the public toilets in the corner. I wanted to go home and go up to my room and feed Toby and practice some maths.

  But I was excited, too. Because I thought she might tell me a secret. And the secret might be about who killed Wellington. Or about Mr. Shears. And if she did that I might have more evidence against him, or be able to Exclude Him from My Investiations.

  So because it was a Super Good Day I decided to walk into the park with Mrs. Alexander, even though it scared me.

  When we were inside the park Mrs. Alexander stopped walking and said, “I am going to say something to you and you must promise not to tell your father that I told you this.”

  I asked, “Why?”

  And she said, “I shouldn't have said what I said. And if I don't explain, you'll carry on wondering what I meant. And you might ask your father. And I don't want you to do that because I don't want you to upset him. So I'm going to explain why I said what I said. But before I do that you have to promise not to tell anyone I said this to you.”

  I asked, “Why?”

  And she said, “Christopher, please, just trust me.”

  And I said, “I promise.” Because if Mrs. Alexander told me who killed Wellington, or she told me that Mr. Shears had really killed Mother, I could still go to the police and tell them because you are allowed to break a promise if someone has committed a crime and you know about it.

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Your mother, before she died, was very good friends with Mr. Shears.”

  And I said, “I know.”

  And she said, “No, Christopher. I'm not sure that you do. I mean that they were very good friends. Very, very good friends.”

  I thought about this for a while and said, “Do you mean that they were doing sex?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Yes, Christopher. That is what I mean.”

  Then she didn't say anything for about 30 seconds.

  Then she said, “I'm sorry, Christopher. I really didn't mean to say anything that was going to upset you. But I wanted to explain. Why I said what I said. You see, I thought you knew. That's why your father thinks that Mr. Shears is an evil man. And that will be why he doesn't want you going around talking to people about Mr. Shears. Because that will bring back bad memories.”

  And I said, “Was that why Mr. Shears left Mrs. Shears, because he was doing sex with someone else when he was married to Mrs. Shears?”

  And Mrs. Alexander said, “Yes, I expect so.”

  Then she said, “I'm sorry, Christopher. I really am.”

  And I said, “I think I should go now.”

  And she said, “Are you OK, Christopher?”

  And I said, “I'm scared of being in the park with you because you're a stranger.”

  And she said, “I'm not a stranger, Christopher, I'm a friend.”

  And I said, “I'm going to go home now.”

  And she said, “If you want to talk about this you can come and see me anytime you want. You only have to knock on my door.”

  And I said, “OK.”

  And she said, “Christopher?”

  And I said, “What?”

  And she said, “You won't tell your father about this conversation, will you?”

  And I said, “No. I promised.”

  And she said, “You go on home. And remember what I said. Anytime.”

  Then I went home.

  101. Mr. Jeavons said that I liked maths because it was safe. He said I liked maths because it meant solving problems, and these problems were difficult and interesting but there was always a straightforward answer at the end. And what he meant was that maths wasn't like life because in life there are no straightforward answers at the end. I know he meant this because this is what he said.

  This is because Mr. Jeavons doesn't understand numbers.

  Here is a famous story called The
Monty Hall Problem which I have included in this book because it illustrates what I mean.

  There used to be a column called Ask Marilyn in a magazine called Parade in America. And this column was written by Marilyn vos Savant and in the magazine it said that she had the highest IQ in the world in the Guinness Book of World Records Hall of Fame. And in the column she answered maths questions sent in by readers. And in September 1990 this question was sent in by Craig F. Whitaker of Columbia, Maryland (but it is not what is called a direct quote because I have made it simpler and easier to understand)

  You are on a game show on television. On this game show the idea is to win a car as a prize. The game show host shows you three doors. He says that there is a car behind one of the doors and there are goats behind the other two doors. He asks you to pick a door. You pick a door but the door is not opened. Then the game show host opens one of the doors you didn't pick to show a goat (because he knows what is behind the doors). Then he says that you have one final chance to change your mind before the doors are opened and you get a car or a goat. So he asks you if you want to change your mind and pick the other unopened door instead. What should you do?

  Marilyn vos Savant said that you should always change and pick the final door because the chances are 2 in 3 that there will be a car behind that door.

  But if you use your intuition you think that chance is 50-50 because you think there is an equal chance that the car is behind any door.

  Lots of people wrote to the magazine to say that Marilyn vos Savant was wrong, even when she explained very carefully why she was right. Of the letters she got about the problem, 92% said that she was wrong and lots of these were from mathematicians and scientists. Here are some of the things that they said

  I'm very concerned with the general public's lack of mathematical skills. Please help by confessing your error.

  Robert Sachs, Ph.D., George Mason University

  There is enough mathematical illiteracy in this country, and we don't need the world's highest IQ propagating more. Shame!